she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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