I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
please come you make the beer taste better
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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