Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot