weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.