omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably