it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.