"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.