Wat do u mean how?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate