I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.