god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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