we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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