so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize