I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
