The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
