so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
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To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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