Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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