i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
