I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
