in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
