just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
