Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
