so that wasnt chicken after all
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize