cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
