Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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