oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this boner is exhausting
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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