I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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