is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
