He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
