i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
