Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
