you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
