think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
