I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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