At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
