sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so much tequila, so little girl.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
