it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize