shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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