I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize