a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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