I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
