Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
