ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
