physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
