i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture