when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.