I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.