I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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