I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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