We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
