Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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