I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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