i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Randomize
