I puked a lego.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
