you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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