And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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