Kiss
Puke
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
