My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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