some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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