need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
