Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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