Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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