I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize