I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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