did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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