if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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