Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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