Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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