Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They have beer where we have blood.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
