Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
