I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
